Your life, your call

When i was starting my housemanship days, i barely know anything. I can't even decide for any tiny miny things , for example how to manage high glucose level, hypertension or worst enough, how to manage a patient when the BP crashed. I have no idea how to deal with any of it. Whenever the staff nurses asked me , i will be so confused, i started cracking my head searching for answers. Idiotly, i would say,'' wait arr... i ask other ppl first. Later i will get back to you.'' Thats what i did for weeks. My mind nearly exploded with questions, questions and unsolvable questions... I will keep hoping for anybody to pass by so that i can beg them for answers. At that moment, i had only one principal, TRUST. So, i just need to trust everybody in order to get things in aligned and so that my job will no be stagnated for miles.I cant put my job in jeopardy cos i was still new at it and its not my fault of not knowing anything. However i dint realize the fact that there are 2 types of ppl in this community, somebody who wanted to help you and also somebody who intended to fail you.

There are some attempts that ppl tried to make use of your trust to betray you. They set u up without u even notice. The moment you noticed it, you are already facing the consequence of blind trust. A question popped up... why ppl do so? why ppl can be so ignorance and so arrogant? Food for thoughts..

Hard to blame them.. We need to survive in the society. There are rivals, there are comepetitions.. We need to get things well organised and at the same time gain trust from the bosses and become the best among the rest. This is jus a method of survival. Its your rice bowls that you are protecting. No harm done..

As for the victims per say, i need to be more precautious of any decision i made. Because of the trust, i was scolded by my bosses many time though i did nothing wrong. I jus asked and follow whatever ppl told me. I was just trying to make things right. But i have to bear the brunt on all my actions. From that time onwards, i am more aware of what i am dealing with. As time goes by, i gain more experience and skills from what i had been thru and what i had learned. Eventually, its my call ... I have to decide what is the best for the patient and to minimise the consequences if possible. Trust has already faded.. Confidence comes in..

Yah.. we can trust ppl but we need to be selective at times. You wont know who is actually the angel and who is the devil who is backstabbing you from behind. Its not that we are being too judgemental. No one s perfect. We know that.. But in every human being, we are well prepared with all sorts of defences. We have a shield in front of us. We dont live in fairy tales. When it comes to real life, everyone stands out. But at the same times, they will try to protect themselves in any circumstences.Avoid from being hurt, avoid of being the victim in the endless war..

So, to stand out,first u have to stand straight. Trust is a big issue and the consequences can cost you a life. Think about it....For me,i still have a long way to go..There are still tonnes of things i havent learn. I need cumulative experiences to get things right on track. Its my life, it will be my call. Keep the finger cross...